12 Ways She Brings Him Good Not Harm: A Look at Proverbs 31:12

This page/post may contain affiliate links.  As an Amazon Associate, as well as an affiliate of other programs, this means if you purchase something using these links, I will receive a commission on qualifying purchases at no cost to you! For more detailed information, please visit our Affiliate Disclaimer page

Proverbs 31:12  As we continue our discussion of what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman in today’s world, we make our way to verse 12. (If you missed my post on verse 11, you can find it HERE)  Proverbs 31:12 tells us “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life”.

 

She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:12

 

What exactly does Proverbs 31:12 mean? The word good, here means considering your husbands happiness and well-being in everything you do. This noble woman builds her husband up instead of tearing him down.

 

she brings him good not harm


Take a look at the Hebrew translation of Proverbs 31:12 from Biblehub.   

 

Proverbs 31:12 Hebrew translation

 

She brings him:

From the Hebrew root word  “gemal” with the original meaning “to deal fully or adequately with, deal out to, wean, ripen”

Good: 

From the Hebrew word “towb” which means: pleasant, agreeable, good. (Note agreeable?)

Evil:


From the Hebrew word “ra” which means: bad, evil, disagreeable, malignant: of a woman. (Note disagreeable?)

 

The word “brings” comes from the same root as “deal out,” “deal bountifully,” or “reward.”  The way it is used in other passages means rewarded with something undeserved.

 

This makes me think of the part in traditional wedding vows, “for better or for worse” which is a commitment to marriage and partnership even in bad times. The reason that I thought of this when learning about this word is that there are many times when human imperfection will cause one person in the marriage (or both) to probably not deserve that which is received, but this vow explains that the partnership of marriage is to be continued even in these times, and in that, that good which is received is an undeserved reward.

 

It is in these times that the good which is received can help the person struggling to find rest and to draw once again to “better” times. The virtuous woman deals out to her husband that which is good, because she wants only Gods highest and best for him. Her life and her deeds are a constant benefit to her husband. She seeks his interest and promotes his honor in everything that she does.

 

When we look at the Hebrew, we have a better understanding of the verse when it says She does him good, and not harm,”. We are to do good for him, be agreeable and not disagreeable and to be pleasant. Can you recall any recent times when you were less than agreeable or pleasant toward your husband?

 

Let’s look at some other ways that (a wife) she brings him good not harm.

12 Ways She Brings Him Good Not Harm

 

She speaks kindly and doesn’t continually nag and complain.

 

She cheerfully, yes, cheerfully picks up his dirty laundry from the floor for the six hundredth time.

 

she brings him good not harm

 

She does not complain about him to others (girlfriends included). Instead, she is to build him up and speak of his good traits to others.

 

If you are thinking that your husband doesn’t have any good traits, I beg you to pray over this and consider Christian counseling. I had had women tell me that they can’t think of anything positive to say about their husbands to which I answer that if they have nothing positive to say, don’t say anything.

 

Instead, they need to pray about what they are grateful for when it come to their husbands. For example, does he provide a roof over her head? Is he active in the church? In most cases, wives tend to overlook the many things they can be thankful for in their husbands. Being thankful, showing gratitude is another way that she brings him good not harm.

 

She does not waste time scrolling on Facebook or playing games on her phone when her husband or children need her. (This is not saying that she should never do those things, but that her husband’s needs should come before her own pleasure and game time).

 

Bible on stone background; spiritually mature, 1 Peter 2_2

 

She spends time in prayer and Bible study deepening her relationship with God and even learning more about how she can be a wife that is pleasing in God’s eyes.

 

 “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” -Joshua 1:8 ESV

 

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” – Proverbs 31:30

 

 

She submits to her husband (see this post on what it means to be a submissive wife) and does not intentionally defy him.

 

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” -Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV

 

She looks for ways to be his helpmeet.  This can be anything from making sure that he has his favorite beverage in the fridge to helping him in the yard.

 

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” -Genesis 2:18 ESV

 

She asks about his day and listens for his struggles so that she can better support him.

 

couple in bed with red heart; Proverbs 31:12

 

She does not rebuke his desire for sex with her.    

Sometimes we just aren’t in the mood, but the Bible tells us that the husband has authority over our body (forced sex and other forms of abuse is NOT what the Bible tells us).

 

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. -1 Corinthians 7:4 ESV

 

She dresses modestly leaving “sexy” clothes for her husband’s eyes only.

Hey, it’s not easy running a house, being a wife and mother, etc., but that doesn’t mean we have to stop making an effort to look good for our husbands.

 

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” -1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV

 

She keeps her home well-managed and clean, creating a sanctuary for her husband.

 

Mop for cleaning wooden floor from dust; she brings him good not harm

 

OK, technically, the verse below is not referencing our homes, however, it is good to keep in mind that we should make an effort to keep a neat home. Not a spotless one. Not one without a speck of dust, but one that our husbands can come home to and find a place of refuge. Tripping over toys or rummaging through a sink full of dishes to find one clean enough to use is not a place of refuge.

 

“And when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order.” -Luke 11:25 ESV

 

She strives to have a quiet and gentle spirit, providing a refuge for her husband instead of being harsh, vile, loud or rude.

 

“but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” -1 Peter 3:4 (ESV)

 

In looking over this list (and it is by no means exhaustive as there are always ways that we can bring our husbands good not harm), how do you do? Are there areas that you can improve on? What things do you do well?

Tell me in the comments.

 

 

Proverbs 31:12 is a mother describing to her son to look for a wife that will put his needs over her own. Would you give your son the same advice?

 

Although this video below, by Angelica K. Duncan, address Proverbs 31:11, it also talks about Proverbs 31:12 and it’s a good quick view:

 

 

 

If you want to dig deeper, check out my book, The Complete Proverbs 31 Wife:  A Verse by Verse Exploration of What it Means to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman in Today’s World.

In Him and because of Him,

Sue

 
Susan is a writer, speaker and the creator of Women of Noble Character ministries. She is passionate about helping Christian women deepen their walk with God through Bible study and creative worship and strengthen their marriages.

She lives in rural North Central Missouri with her handsome and hilarious husband and a myriad of dogs, cats and chickens.

Susan runs on Jesus, coffee and not enough sleep.

Similar Posts

8 Comments

  1. You had a lot of good reminders, and I thank you for that! It is so easy to get complacent and stop doing some of these things. So good, not harm!! Yes! I needed that!
    I did, though, want to say that while I certainly want to keep my house clean for my husband because I know it is refreshing when he comes home to a clean house (though he’s also incredibly understanding and never says anything when it’s not as cl an as I’d like and is always willing to help!), I think context is so very important when using verses to support any argument. Like 12:25 is referencing a demon that left the person it was dwelling in and how when the demon returns, it finds that person has clean up- of course if you keep reading, that’s not the end of the story either.
    Thanks for your other reminders, though!

    1. Katie – thank you for the clarification. Sometimes reading and studying verses out of context can lead to confusion. I do appreciate the correction. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great day!

  2. I desire to be a helpmeet;however, I desire to resume my teaching career. Am I out of order for This? My husband wants me to work with him but the desire of my heart is to continue teaching. I want to please God and I am conflicted.

    1. Thank you for writing. While I strongly believe in submission within a Christian marriage, I am not a licensed counselor. If you and your husband are unable to come to a peaceful agreement on this topic, I encourage you to seek counseling with a Pastor or Christian counselor to help the two of you work this out. I will be praying for you.

  3. hi I’m an African women we aren’t taught much about being this specific woman but this is an eye opener than you Susan I’m going to buy this book thanks a bunch

  4. As a guidance and counselling service provider, I appreciate your effort and understanding put together to digest proverbs 31:11.
    I will add it to my wealth of knowledge to guide and counsel my prospective clients. I wish you more grace.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.