My Adoption Story and God’s Sovereign Hand in It

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My Adoption Story

In November, our church did a series on Adoption. How we were all chosen, loved, and adopted by God. It was fitting that the sermon series was held in November, as November is National Adoption Awareness Month. (If you’d like to hear the sermon that prompted this post, you can find it HERE)

and I will be a father to you,
    and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.

2 Corinthians 6:18 (ESV)

Hearing about adoption always brings up a lot of emotions for me, as  I was adopted as an infant. My parents were not able to have children of their own, but they desperately wanted a baby. They tried for years and, sadly, had a number of miscarriages and stillborn children. They knew that the only path to a child was through adoption. Although the process of adoption can be long and emotional, they truly wanted a baby to call their own.

They went through home study and interviews with extended family and navigated all that was on their path as prospective adoptive parents. It was a long journey to traverse the complexity of adoption, yet they knew they didn’t want to go through an open adoption or international adoption, although the wait may have been shorter.

While they went through the adoption process and waited for the phone to ring, an unmarried pregnant woman was agonizing over what to do with the child in her womb. While she was thirty years old, she was unmarried. Her family decided that the best course of action was to place her in a home for unwed mothers (it was the 60s, after all, and she would have undoubtedly brought shame to the family in her condition). In October of 1966, I was born and placed in a foster home through Catholic Family Charities.

Two and a half months later, while on their way out for a holiday party, my parents received “THE phone call.” They had a baby girl waiting for them! A little girl. Mom, Dad, and my Aunt Carrie and Uncle John, who were with them, headed out for the holiday gathering, jumped in a car, drove to the port, and hopped on a ferry to New York City. They were to pick me up at the adoption agency near Central Park. A new baby, at last! One they would welcome with more than open arms and hearts

Family lore has it that when my mom first diapered me at the agency, she put on two diapers, just in case. The tale also includes my father not having the suit he wore that night laundered, as he never wanted that pink baby blanket fuzz to be washed away. It was his reminder of how I joined their family. My parents were thrilled to have a baby and loved me unconditionally.

My Childhood

I had an idyllic childhood. Lots of love, family dinners each night, road trips all over the East Coast—I wanted for nothing.

My adoptive family was never able to have biological children, but they never treated me as anything other than that.  My adoptive mom and dad loved me with their whole hearts and truly had nothing but my best interests at heart at all times. They were truly my real parents.

I’d always know that I was adopted. There was never a time that I remember my parents sitting down with me to tell me how I became their child. It was always a part of who I was. I remember a two-volume book about adoption—one for me and one for my parents. They read it to me repeatedly, upon my insistence, until I could read on my own (supposedly at four years old).

I knew I was loved. I knew I was chosen, but I always struggled with my identity. I wondered who my biological parents were. I cried over why they gave me up. Was there something wrong with me? Why didn’t they love me?

My Search

As a teen, the feelings would overwhelm me. My mom was always open to the idea of me searching for my biological mother, but my father was against the idea.

Years later, when my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, she asked me to search for my birth mother. She wanted to thank her for giving me up all those years before. I started the search by contacting the adoption agency, which was able to give me only “non-identifying information.” I learned that my mother was 31 when she had me and that she had blue eyes, was quiet, and loved books and movies. I was told that my father was married to another woman at the time of my conception. He was a truck driver, enjoyed car racing, and was happy and gregarious. He had curly hair and blue eyes. He also had other children with his wife. (I had brothers and sisters!). They were both French Canadian. It sounded like I inherited many traits from my birth parents.

Things started to make sense to me. I also had blue eyes and curly hair, was happy (although I’m not sure I was gregarious!), and loved to read. I did have roots!

(The photos below are the original adoption announcements that my parents sent to friends and family to share the good news)

The Trip

My next step was to dig through my parent’s adoption records to see what I could find. Of course, adoptees’ birth certificates are modified to show the adoptive parents’ names, so that was no help. I did find a baptismal certificate showing my “Godparents” in the Catholic church. The names listed were “Yolande and Clement Boisvert.”

The internet was in its infancy then, but I found a phone listing in Enfield, CT. With my hands trembling, I made the call. Stumbling over my words, I told the man on the other end, “I know this may sound crazy, but I believe that you are my Godparents.” He answered, “Not crazy at all! We fostered dozens of children for many years. Catholic Family Charities requires foster parents to have the babies in their care baptized. He asked me to hold on and brought his wife to the phone.

They asked questions about when I was born and where, etc., and determined they had baby pictures of me!

While they didn’t know my birth mom, they would be happy to show me where I spent my time in foster care and give me my very first baby pictures. I was elated! That call didn’t bring me any closer to my birth mother, but it helped tell part of my story. We made plans for me to travel to Connecticut from NJ to meet them.

The next week, my family friend Renee, with her daughter and my two young sons in tow, and I made the trip to Enfield, CT. I settled the four of them in the hotel and drove to Douglas Road. As I approached the intersection, I began to shake. On either side of Douglas Road was a street: Brett Lane and Hunter Lane. Why would this make me shake? My two precious boys, the ones safely tucked at the hotel with my friend, were named Brett and Hunter!

This had to be God! How could I have known that the street where I spent my first few months on this earth would have surrounding streets with the names I would call my children? God sure has a sense of humor!

Below is a map of Enfield, CT, showing the three streets mentioned.

When I finally got it together, I parked at the Boisverts’ home and went in. They were warm, welcoming people—fitting for foster parents. They showed me the room and crib that I stayed in as an infant. It was still set up, as after fostering children, they began to have grandchildren to fill it. And they gave me my very first baby pictures.

The Let-Down and the Surprise

In addition to finding my Godparents and contacting the adoption agency, I contacted the Catholic Family Charities social worker and was put on a waiting list for them to find and contact my birth mother. About a year later, just a week after my mother lost her battle with cancer, I received a call that they found my birth mother.

They wanted to know how I would like to proceed. I told them that while I would love to meet her, the most important thing was to obtain medical information. Soon after, the phone rang again. She refused all contact, including providing medical records. Forget about any personal information.  She would not even provide medical information.  

Looking back, I wonder if colon cancer ran in her family, as I am currently battling it. (Ironically, I learned that my birth father died of colon cancer, but my cancer was shown not to be genetic, anyway.)

It was a difficult time in my life. I felt like I lost two mothers. One who loved me went home with the Lord. The other rejected me a second time, it felt.

I’ve thought many times about finding her with the help of a private investigator. It took me years to realize that she didn’t want to be found. Perhaps the memory was too painful. Perhaps she eventually married and had other children and never shared her past with them.

In 2023, with the help of a “Search Angel” in a Facebook group that helps with DNA searches, I found my biological family! The names of my birth mother and father. Unfortunately, they had both passed away within the past ten years.  

I learned that my birth mother went on to marry and had two daughters.  One, I couldn’t locate.  The other refused contact with me even after I shared my original birth certificate with our mother’s name on it.  Her daughter, my niece, did contact me a few times, but it ended there.

On my father’s side, I learned that my father was not married nor a truck driver when they were. met, and I was conceived.  He was a bartender waiting to ship out for military duty.  He never knew that I existed.  He later married and had a son and two daughters.  

All (including my father’s wife) have been incredibly welcoming to me. We are friends on Facebook and have spoken on the phone and texted.  They shared photos and stories of my birth father.  In another of God’s winks, he was a NY Yankees, NY Giants, and Duke basketball fan, just like me.

We’ve stayed in touch for the past year, and another God moment happened.  In March of this year (2024), I accompanied my eldest son to Las Vegas for a March Madness college basketball work trip.  While at the event, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that my brother had just posted a photo of him and his sons at another Vegas hotel.  I texted him to ask if he was in Vegas, and he responded, “Yes. Are you?”.

Within thirty minutes, he hopped into an Uber and stood before me!  I received a hug from the very first blood relative – ever!  Not including my own children.  We spent about an hour together.  Only God could have arranged for us both to be in Las Vegas at the same time to meet in person for the first time!  I still have chills thinking about it.  I’d waited my entire life for that moment.

I’ve yet to meet my two sisters, but I will be planning a trip to do that soon.

God has orchestrated every moment of my adoption journey!

God’s Hand

When reflecting on this part of my history, I see God in every aspect of it:

• My adoptive parents prayed for a baby – God answered and gave them me
• My birth mother, a practicing Catholic, wanted me to be raised in a Catholic home – and I was (I am no longer part of the Catholic church, but that is a story for another day)
• God formed me in my mother’s womb and knew the best people to parent me. He created me to be their daughter.
• While I thought that God didn’t answer my prayers to find my birth mother, He did – He released me from the hurt and pain that I felt from being rejected. He helped me to see that His will was for me to be raised by Mike and Pauline and that I was chosen by them and by Him.
• God’s sense of humor with the street names
• How adoption by God is such a beautiful part of my story
• Meeting my brother, part of my birth family in a way that only God could have orchestrated

I ask that you pray for all involved in foster care and adoption – from social workers to foster parents, prospective adoptive families, foster families, and especially the children in the “system”. Children who deserve a safe, loving home.

As an adopted child, I begged my parents to read me the book they had about being adopted. The book is no longer in publication, but below are some great alternatives and a few good choices for adoptive parents and how God adopts us. I pray that they bless you. And never forget that once you are adopted into God’s family, it is forever.

Books for Adopted Children:

Searching For The You We Adore by LLC Swan River Publishing 

Motherbridge of Love by Xinran and The Mothers’ Bridge of Love

Sweet Moon Baby: An Adoption Tale by Karen Henry Clark

Books for Adoptive Parents (or those who are considering adoption)

Encouragement for the Adoption and Parenting Journey: 52 Devotions and a Journal Diary by Rachel Garlinghouse, Madeleine Melcher

Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches by Russell Moore

Adoption in Christ

Sons in the Son: The Riches and Reach of Adoption in Christ by David B Garner 

Reclaiming Adoption: Missional Living through the Rediscovery of Abba Father by Dan Cruver, John Piper, Scotty Smith, Richard D. Phillips, Jason Kovacs

As a believer, you are a daughter of God. Learn more about that here.

Because of Him,

Sue

For more about me and my story, see the About Me page on this site

ESV – “Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”