How do you respond when marriage is hard? Marriage is unlike any other relationship in that you live every moment of life together. Whether you are one flesh or not, that can lead to difficult seasons from time to time. Over the years, as Bud and I have walked through financial struggles, loss of loved ones, illness and all the in-between I’ve learned a secret. If you add a time of fasting and prayer for marriage you can have a blessing even in the midst of trials.
Why Add Fasting and Prayer for marriage?
Years ago I imagined marriage was an endless fairy-tale that led to a happily ever after kind of life. It didn’t take long to realize that marriage doesn’t fix the problems in life, it only adds layers to those problems. Honestly, it also adds a partner to traverse the roads when life is hard and that is a blessing to thank God for.
But when life is hard, when marriage is hard, you have a choice about how you respond.
- You could react in fear or anger and allow those emotions to drive your actions.
- Alternatively, you could respond with faith and prayer and follow God’s lead to the other side.
Oh, how I wish I always chose route two, but for years I reacted with fear and anger every time life was difficult. I destroyed many relationships and almost ruined my marriage in the process.
Then, when we were near the end of our strength, God began to teach me how to fast and pray. Y’all, fasting and prayer for marriage began the process of healing and blessing that I never expected. Yes, I believed God answered prayer, but I really didn’t think He would save my marriage.
If you are tired of the stress that follows reacting when life is hard, and you are ready to learn to respond in faith, I invite you to try a time of fasting. Fasting and prayer lead to blessing you never dreamed were possible!
Adding fasting and prayer to your life is as simple as deciding you want to respond rather than react when life is hard
Once you choose to respond in prayer rather than react to hard times, you need to create a prayer strategy, make a plan for your fast and keep it. Blessings will come!
Prayer and Fasting for My Marriage Partner
Many times we are looking for a how-to post for fasting; How to fast and pray in a way that pleases God. There are many types of spiritual fasting that lead to blessings. Once you choose a type of fast from that link, I will show you how to apply it to your marriage.
Prayer and fasting for my marriage partner have proved to be very different from other reasons to fast. I think it’s different because the relationship is a covenant relationship, where we have become one flesh. In marriage, often God longs to work on both the husband and wife, which adds another layer of challenges.
Know that as you begin to fast and pray for your spouse, God will move in a variety of ways. Often, during a time of fasting and prayer, God will reveal sin in my life that I was unaware of. Hidden sin affects you and your marriage.
One thing I love about God is that He loves us too much to leave us unchanged. God loves us too much to allow sin to steal our abundant life, even hidden sin done in ignorance.
At the heart of God, is a love that is deeper and wider than anything you ever imagined. God wants you to walk in victory, freedom and abundant life.
Spending time in prayer and adding a fast to your prayer life gives God access to move in your heart in a powerful way that leads to blessing in your marriage.
While God is moving and changing things in your life, through prayer and fasting, you will need some prayer points for your situation and your husband specifically.
Prayer Points for a Husband
Have you ever noticed that when you sit down to pray about your marriage, your difficult circumstances and your life, the words won’t always come?
The enemy uses the same tricks with us all so you can expect that he will try this prayer block with you.
To fight back, I highly recommend a prayer guide and a prayer journal. If you google, “prayer points for a husband” you will see many prayer guides but The Power of a Praying Wife* is my favorite because it is simple and effective. The book has 30 days of prayers, with scripture, written out for you to just read through and insert your husbands’ name into.
A prayer guide is a great tool to circumvent the enemy’s strategy of no words to pray.
A prayer journal is another tool that will help you stay focused on your prayer points for your husband. You know the areas of your life and his life that need to be covered in prayer. Here is my strategy to customize prayer points for my husband in my own prayer journal:
- Buy a $1 journal from the Dollar Store and write a list.
- Google Bible Verses about xyz.
- Write down some of the verses.
- Read all-around the verses to be sure they are talking about what you wanted.
- Turn those verses into prayers for your husband
Can God Restore My Marriage?
Maybe you are thinking, “All of that sounds nice, but my marriage is hopeless. Can God restore my marriage when it is this far gone?”
Yes. God is still in the business of healing and restoration!
“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB)
If we were face to face, I would hug your neck and remind you that with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
In all honesty, though, restoration takes two. I don’t know what situation you are facing in your marriage, but you can’t force change.
But God… God can soften hearts and move mountains. Yes, it will require both you and your spouse working together with God to save your marriage. And Yes, God can come in and move in a powerful way to bring that miracle. I’ve seen Him do it time and time again. Prayer and fasting are powerful tools for that change!
I’ve also seen a husband or wife become so stubbornly set in their right to hold onto the hurt that they refuse to do the work of restoration.
When that stubbornness comes, you need a different prayer and fasting strategy.
But God... God can soften hearts and move mountains. Yes, it will require both you and your spouse working together with God to save your marriage. Prayer and fasting are powerful tools for that change!
Prayer for Breakthrough in My Marriage
When your marriage feels too far gone for God to save, you can plead with God for a miracle.
I remember the day I began using prayer for breakthrough in my marriage. My husband was lost (yes I was that girl who thought love was enough). Our differences were driving us so far apart. He drank and gambled and had an addiction to pornography that threatened to destroy us.
After the counsel of a mentor, I began praying through a prayer guide and adding scripture to my prayers like I advised above.
Do you need help getting started? In this link, I will show you how to create prayers for marriages in trouble: A war room prayer strategy that works!
Weeks turned into months and months turned into years before God answered the prayer to save my husband. I still remember the day Bud gave his life to God. Talk about a breakthrough in my marriage that was a direct result of persistent prayer!
God can bring miracles in your marriage! Prayer and fasting are tools that can bring them.
God can bring miracles in your marriage! Prayer and fasting are tools that can bring them.
Fasting for Relationship Breakthrough
If only salvation had been the fix-all to our difficult marriage. Jesus came in and began changing my husband – inch by slow agonizing inch. The problem was that our relationship was so broken from the years of division.
It wasn’t until after another mentor shared her story with me that I began fasting for relationship breakthrough.
What is fasting?
“Fasting is setting aside the things of earth that you seek for satisfaction, in order to seek God for a breakthrough.” ~A Beginners Guide to Pray and Fast: Taking Spiritual Warfare to the Next Level by Tiffany Montgomery*(Add your aff link)
I began giving up breakfast to pray over our marriage every Monday. Over time I gave up sugar and social media to spend more time praying over the hard parts of our marriage on Friday.
Slowly God began to change our marriage. God came into areas of my heart that were hardened against my husband and softened them. He moved my husband to see my needs and show love in ways I could receive love.
I learned to respect and forgive him. He learned to love and forgive me. God brought healing and restoration.
Not perfection. We are far from perfect. There are still hard things in our relationship. Every once in awhile a habit of sin will rear its ugly head and cause one or both of us pain. Those are just parts of life that we can learn to respond to with faith and find blessings in the process.
Will You Take the Challenge? A 21 Day Fast for Marriage
Can I challenge you to a 21 day fast for marriage? Your marriage, no matter what seasons you are in, could use a tune-up. Much like a car needs regular maintenance, marriage needs to be intentionally invested in. Fasting and prayer for marriage are ways to invest intentionally!
Take the time to make a list of the areas you long to grow personally and in your marriage this year. With that list in hand and the Bible verses that go with it, you can spend intentional time talking with God about that growth.
God cares about the things you care about and longs to share His plan and will with you.
Maybe a 21 day fast seems too long, would you consider an Esther fast?
““Go, assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa, and fast for me; do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens also will fast in the same way. And thus I will go in to the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish.”” (Esther 4:16 NASB)
If you, like me have health issues that prevent you from going without food for a meal or more, consider a non-food fast. Some non-food fasts you could consider:
- No social media
- Chocolate or some other treat food
- Speaking negative words
- After a few weeks of refraining from nagging, I learned that Words of Affirmation are the Best Gift for My Husband!
There is something you could set aside for a few days to seek God’s direction and guidance in your marriage.
Much like a car needs regular maintenance, marriage needs to be intentionally invested in. Fasting and prayer for marriage are ways to invest intentionally!
Fasting and Prayer for Marriage Can Lead to Blessing
I told you earlier that fasting and prayer for marriage taught me a secret. God blesses His children when they humble themselves before Him. Prayer and fasting are a way to humble yourself before God.
Fasting and prayer are a powerhouse set of weapons in the spiritual war for your marriage. When you wield them regularly you thwart a very real enemy who would love to distract, discourage and destroy your marriage!
Regular, strategic prayer brings blessings into your life that you never dreamed were possible.
- Spiritual blessings of nearness to God.
- Clear vision and His peace that passes understanding!
- Physical blessings of healing.
- Restored relationships and abundant life!
God wants you to live an abundant life. Prayer and fasting are ways to walk in abundance consistently.
Maybe you felt the stir but you are still unsure of the specific how to’s of fasting. No worries. I’ve written a short book to help guide you through the process of fasting.
A Beginners Guide to Fast and Pray: Taking Spiritual Warfare to the Next Level. Get your copy and start your journey to spiritual breakthrough today!
In the meantime, I’d love to pray over you. Let me know how I can be praying in the comments.
About Tiffany Montgomery
Hope Joy in Christ inspires Christian Women to grow in faith, live out Biblical Marriage Principles and raise Godly Children. She is also author of A Beginners Guide to Fast and Pray: Taking Spiritual Warfare to the Next Level on Amazon. Join the Wives Only Facebook Group here or keep up with her through Pinterest.