Spiritual Growth

Proverbs 31:12 – Do You Bring Him Good, Not Harm?

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Proverbs 31:12  As we continue our discussion of what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman in today’s world, we make our way to verse 12. (If you missed my post on verse 11, you can find it HERE)  Proverbs 31:12 tells us “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life”.

What exactly does Proverbs 31:12 mean? The word good, here means considering your husbands happiness and well-being in everything you do. This noble woman builds her husband up instead of tearing him down.

She speaks kindly and doesn’t continually nag and complain.

She cheerfully, yes, cheerfully picks up his dirty laundry from the floor for the six hundredth time.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life

She does not complain about him to others (girlfriends included). Instead, she is to build him up and speak of his good traits to others. (If you are thinking that your husband doesn’t have any good traits, I beg you to pray over this and consider Christian counseling. I had had women tell me that they can’t think of anything positive to say about their husbands to which I answer that if they have nothing positive to say, don’t say anything. Instead, they need to pray about what they are grateful for when it come to their husbands. For example, does he provide a roof over her head? Is he active in the church? In most cases, wives tend to overlook the many things they can be thankful for in their husbands)

She does not waste time scrolling on Facebook or playing games on her phone when her husband or children need her. (This is not saying that she should never do those things, but that her husband’s needs should come before her own pleasure and game time).

She spends time in prayer and Bible study deepening her relationship with God and even learning more about how she can be a wife that is pleasing in God’s eyes. (Joshua 1:8 ESV “This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” and Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”)

She submits to her husband (see this post on what it means to be a submissive wife) and does not intentionally defy him. (Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

She looks for ways to be his helpmeet.  This can be anything from making sure that he has his favorite beverage in the fridge to helping him in the yard. (Genesis 2:18 ESV “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”)

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She asks about his day and listens for his struggles so that she can better support him.

She does not rebuke his desire for sex with her.  (1 Corinthians 7:4 ESV  For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.)

She dresses modestly leaving “sexy” clothes for her husband’s eyes only. (1 Timothy 2:9-10 ESV  “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”)

She keeps her home well-managed and clean, creating a sanctuary for her husband. (Luke 11:25 ESV “And when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order.”)

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She strives to have a quiet and gentle spirit, providing a refuge for her husband instead of being harsh, vile, loud or rude. (1 Peter 3:4 “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”)

In looking over this list (and it is by no means exhaustive as there are always ways that we can bring our husbands good not harm), how do you do? Are there areas that you can improve on? What things do you do well? Tell me in the comments.

Proverbs 31:12 is a mother describing to her son to look for a wife that will put his needs over her own. Would you give your son the same advice?

If you want to dig deeper, check out my book, The Complete Proverbs 31 Wife:  A Verse by Verse Exploration of What it Means to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman in Today’s World.

In Him and because of Him,


12 Ways to Bring Your Husband Good, Not Harm (Proverbs 31_12)
Susan is a writer, speaker and the creator of Women of Noble Character ministries. She is passionate about helping Christian women deepen their walk with God through Bible study and creative worship and strengthen their marriages.

She lives in rural North Central Missouri with her handsome and hilarious husband and a myriad of dogs, cats and chickens.

Susan runs on Jesus, coffee and not enough sleep.

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  1. You had a lot of good reminders, and I thank you for that! It is so easy to get complacent and stop doing some of these things. So good, not harm!! Yes! I needed that!
    I did, though, want to say that while I certainly want to keep my house clean for my husband because I know it is refreshing when he comes home to a clean house (though he’s also incredibly understanding and never says anything when it’s not as cl an as I’d like and is always willing to help!), I think context is so very important when using verses to support any argument. Like 12:25 is referencing a demon that left the person it was dwelling in and how when the demon returns, it finds that person has clean up- of course if you keep reading, that’s not the end of the story either.
    Thanks for your other reminders, though!

    1. Katie – thank you for the clarification. Sometimes reading and studying verses out of context can lead to confusion. I do appreciate the correction. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great day!

  2. I desire to be a helpmeet;however, I desire to resume my teaching career. Am I out of order for This? My husband wants me to work with him but the desire of my heart is to continue teaching. I want to please God and I am conflicted.

    1. Thank you for writing. While I strongly believe in submission within a Christian marriage, I am not a licensed counselor. If you and your husband are unable to come to a peaceful agreement on this topic, I encourage you to seek counseling with a Pastor or Christian counselor to help the two of you work this out. I will be praying for you.

  3. hi I’m an African women we aren’t taught much about being this specific woman but this is an eye opener than you Susan I’m going to buy this book thanks a bunch

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